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Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion, by Gary Chapman
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Are you handling your anger, or is your anger handling you?
Life is full of frustrations—some big, some little. And while you might not be ready to blow a gasket, it’s easy to get angry in the wake of rejection, hurt, or embarrassment—and anger can have a really tight grip.
In Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion, Dr. Gary Chapman offers helpful (and sometimes surprising) insights into why you get angry and what you can do about it. Using real-life examples of transformed lives and relationships, Chapman explains how to:
- Recognize the difference between "bad" and "good" anger
- Use anger to motivate you toward positive change
- Release long-simmering resentment
- Teach others (like your children) how to deal with anger
Anger is a reality of life, but it doesn’t have to control our lives. Learn how to handle anger and use it for good.
Includes reflection questions in each chapter; a 13-session discussion guide that’s perfect for small groups, workplace studies, and book clubs; and a personal anger assessment designed to help you see hose you manage anger.
- Sales Rank: #15246 in Books
- Brand: Moody Publishing
- Published on: 2015-06-01
- Released on: 2015-06-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x .43" w x 5.50" l, .50 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 224 pages
Review
"Gary Chapman, best known for 5 Love Languages, will now be known for his superb book on Anger. All of us deal with anger. Anger can be thrown outward on everybody and everything or pushed inward mostly doing inner damage but eventually seeping out sideways and doing damage to others as well. Boundaries are crossed, relationships damaged and enormous stress wreck havoc within and throughout our lives. Chapman reveals the how and the why and more importantly the what now and where do I go in practical ways to tame this emotion. This should be in every small group, Sunday school, or Wed night study starting up this fall. Bravo!!"
Reviewed by David Sellers, Net Galley, Jun 8, 2015
"In a world where anger is largely glorified and we all have come to accept it as not only a part of life, but a means to protect oneself, Mr. Chapman has clearly highlighted the way out of the cage this self destructive emotion holds so many of us in. Rather than ignoring it, this book shows you how to recognize it, deal with it, and no longer be controlled by it or our situations. Though this book does teach you about anger, it also frees yourself to enjoy the rest of your life."
Reviewed by Christopher Havens, Net Galley, Jul 15, 2015
About the Author
GARY CHAPMAN--author, speaker, counselor--has a passion for people and for helping them form lasting relationships. He is the #1 bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages series and director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Gary travels the world presenting seminars, and his radio programs air on more than 400 stations. For more information visit his website at www.5lovelanguages.com.
Most helpful customer reviews
17 of 18 people found the following review helpful.
Anger CAN be Good!
By Joshua Olds
Anger gets a bad rap. It’s often pictured as wild, out of control, and consuming. Think about the latest Disney movie, Inside Out. Anger is depicted as short (denoting little patience), red (a fiery, bold color), gruff, and easily knocked out of control. But if anger could be a good thing? With that bold premise, Gary Chapman, best known for his Five Love Languages books, tackles the topic of anger and how to control it.
Gary Chapman’s first couple of chapters builds the argument that anger is not inherently negative, but can be controlled and tamed and released positively. Anger, he writes, is something that we experience because we are made in the image of God and God experiences anger as well. However, God’s anger is wholly positive and just, an appropriate reaction to sin or injustice. We, as fallen creatures, have perverted anger to make it something negative and petty.
Anger, therefore, should stem from our sense of moral concern. It should arise in us when our sense of morality is shaken. He talks about the righteous anger of Jesus, the anger against drunk driving that led to the creation of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, the anger against slavery that led to its abolition, and more. Anger, properly controlled, is a powerful force for good.
The following chapters deal with difference aspects of anger, from how to control and release good anger to how to control and restrain bad anger. Chapman also discusses specific relationships: anger against God, anger against a spouse, even anger against oneself. He covers both quick-tempered anger that builds quickly and festering grudges that slowly poison. One of my favorite chapters his chapter on teaching children how to handle anger (it applies to us older ones too!). The closing chapter also does a great job in explaining best practices for dealing with angry people (an excellent resource for anyone in the service industry!).
Each chapter (after the first two) ends with a Quick Take recap that summarizes and distills the content down into its bare bones structure. For example his quick take on handling anger:
Consciously acknowledge to yourself that you are angry.
Restrain your immediate response.
Locate the focus of your anger.
Analyze your options.
Take constructive action.
Anger: Taming a Powerful Emotion is an important and vital read that redeems a much-maligned God-given part of our identity as images of God. This book is a paradigm shifter that will completely change how to react toward your own anger and the anger of others.
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Falls Short, But Has Good Things
By James B. Pate
Gary Chapman is an evangelical Christian counselor. This book is about how people can handle anger.
According to Chapman, anger is something that God has given us, for it can entail being upset at injustice, and this can lead to change for the good. At the same time, Chapman acknowledges that anger is not always about injustice, for it can be about personal inconvenience, or it can result from a misunderstanding. Chapman states that there are at least two ways to deal with anger at a person. First, one can hold the anger back and give the person over to God, who is just, compassionate, and aware of where people are. Proverbs 29:11, after all, states that the wise quietly hold back their anger. Chapman later criticizes bottling anger up and letting it implode; whether that contradicts this piece of his advice, I do not know. Second, one can tactfully confront the person, which accords with other biblical passages, particularly in the Gospel of Matthew. Confrontation provides the offender with an opportunity to apologize, repent, and try to change his or her behavior, or to offer clarification in case of misunderstanding. Chapman also discusses strategies in dealing with angry people: the key here, according to Chapman, is to listen to the angry person. This, I think, is an important insight, for an angry person can easily alienate other people and be in a state of loneliness and isolation.
There is a rhyme and reason to what Chapman recommends. I, for one, struggle with confronting people, but I can understand why Chapman would recommend such a course. For a variety of reasons, however, I am doubtful that such a course will always make a person feel better, for it is not a one-size-fits-all strategy. Some people do not care if they offend others because they are jerks. You find plenty of these on the Internet. I do not think that such people would be receptive were I to tell them that they hurt my feelings in a comment. In some cases, confrontation may not be appropriate. Chapman mentions a person who was angry because he was laid off. Should that person go to his boss and explain why he is angry with him? I cannot picture that as an appropriate response. Sometimes the issue is not who is at fault or who sinned but may relate to different interests, personalities, preferences, or frustrated hopes and expectations. I may be upset because a person stopped following my blog, for example, but that is no reason for me to confront that person: it is not as if the person is morally obligated to follow my blog. Chapman’s advice on confrontation would probably work in friendships and family relationships, and maybe other situations, such as when a person is slandering someone (and Chapman presents a story about that). It will not redress all situations that make a person angry, however, and, in light of that, I wish that Chapman offered more strategies on how to deal with anger. One strategy that Chapman would probably recommend is prayer, and, while that may be effective, Chapman should have provided outlooks that people could embrace to help them rise above their anger.
The book, in my opinion, falls short, but I did appreciate Chapman’s compassionate, understanding tone towards people who struggle with anger, and also the stories that he shared.
I received a complimentary review copy of this book from Moody Publishers, in exchange for an honest review.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Helpful book on anger if...
By Koby
If you are a good, loving and rational person who lives around other good loving and rational people and you occasionally feel anger but aren't known for being an angry person, then I believe this book will prove quite helpful to you. On the other hand, if you are someone who was raised in an abusive family (or lack of one) and have grown up with a brain that is hard-wired for angry and destructive behavior and despite all efforts, you feel like you will always have this "thorn," then I think this book will have some helpful points but you aren't really the intended audience here.
As someone who falls into the latter category, I still think this is a good read and some of the practicals were helpful. I liked and have used the 5-step processes Dr Chapman presents for handling the two types of anger (essentially, justified and unjustified anger). And yet, that 5 step process is best played out in a near-perfect scenario. If you throw in young emotional children, a wife who is afraid of upsetting you because of your past behavior, a typical lifestyle of a busy family, or even a partner that isn't completely loving and rational, then things don't work out as nicely.
I also appreciated Dr Chapman's stance on what anger is - not a sin to run far far away from, but rather a red-light telling you that something isn't right and you need to find out what that is and make peace with it. I find this is a healthy perspective on facing and working through anger. One option that Dr Chapman offers for working through anger is to "give it to God." I understand what he is trying to say there, but I wish he would flesh this concept out a bit more. It felt like this was something you do when all else fails and you have no where else to go - i.e. just "pray it away and you'll be fine." I suppose this is one more clue that this book was written for a more reasonable balanced and loving audience rather than those who have deeper issues to uncover.
For those like me, I'd like to recommend another book that has helped me greatly: Why Can't I Change?: How to Conquer Your Self-Desctructive Patterns. All the best to those in their life-long journey to be more like Jesus.
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