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The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5, by Jennifer Waldburger, Jill Spiv
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Two experts who are helping Hollywood's A-list babies get their zzz's share the no-fail, family-friendly method that has helped thousands of sleep-deprived moms and dads.
Even Hollywood's biggest stars face the same dilemma as other parents do: "How do I get my child to sleep?" As parents in the know are finding, whether they're on the red carpet or the soccer field, the answer is the same: The Sleepeasy Solution.
Psychotherapists and sleep specialists Jennifer and Jill, the dynamic "girlfriends" all of Hollywood calls on to solve Junior's sleep problems, have perfected their sleep technique that will get any child snoozing in no time―most often in fewer than three nights. The key to their method? It addresses the emotional needs of both the parent and child (yes, how to handle the crying!)―a critical component of why most other sleep methods fail.
In this much-needed, family-friendly guide, weary parents will learn to define their own individual sleep goals, those that work for their family's schedule and style. They'll create a customized "sleep planner" to ensure consistency with both parents as well as extended caregivers. (As an added bonus, they'll even improve the readers' relationships with their spouses with the "marriage-saver" section.) With comprehensive sections devoted to each stage of Baby's and Toddler's development, plus solutions to special circumstances like traveling, daylight saving's time, moving to a "big kid bed" and multiples, The Sleepeasy Solution is a dream come true!
"This approach was truly amazing in helping our family to thrive. . . . We are eternally grateful!"
―Ben Stiller and wife, Christine Taylor, actors
"With their gentle approach, Sleepeasy gave us the tools we needed to solve our daughter's sleep problems."
―Conan O'Brien, host of NBC's Late Night with Conan O'Brien
"Sleepeasy gave us all the tools we needed to get our baby sleeping through the night. Now when we say good night to our daughter, we know it really will be a good night."
―Greg Kinnear, actor
- Sales Rank: #2996 in Books
- Brand: HCI
- Model: 1675373
- Published on: 2007-04-01
- Released on: 2007-04-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .71" w x 6.00" l, .92 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 314 pages
Features
Review
"This approach was truly amazing in helping our family to thrive. . . . We are eternally grateful!" ---Ben Stiller and wife, Christine Taylor
About the Author
Jennifer Waldburger, LCSW, is a trained psychotherapist and partner of Sleepy Planet, the preeminent parenting/sleep company in LA. She is a former writer and editor for Town & Country, Redbook, Good Housekeeping and Harper's Bazaar.
Jill Spivack, LMSW, is a psychotherapist who worked as a pediatric sleep consultant who co-founded Sleepy Planet, Inc., in 1999. The two offer private sleep consultations for celebrity clients and others, standing-room only workshops and regular keynotes at Baby Expos with audiences of over 300. They have appeared on the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather, Inside Edition (feature piece) as well as in The Wall Street Journal and Fit Pregnancy.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Excerpts from The Sleepeasy Solution
No-Cry Versus Crying It Out
Most parents wanting to make changes with their child's sleep have heard all the debates about allowing a child to cry. This has led to a lot of confusion. Some of the methods that promise "no-cry" solutions suggest to parents that their child wonÆt ever cry. The idea is that being ôgentler and more responsiveöùcontinuing to soothe your child by patting, picking her up, holding her hand, and the likeùmeans that she is less traumatized.
Ironically, though, parents often report that the child still cries even while they continue to attend to her; all children protest change, and the way they let us know they don't like the change is to cry. As important as it is for parents to express love to children through physical touch, and as illogical as it may seem that doing so while helping a child learn to sleep is counterproductive, it is indeed the parent's touch that can exacerbate a child's frustration in this scenario. The result? The child often continues to struggle with sleep, usually for weeks or even months, because she is not being allowed to learn how to soothe herself. With older children, using touch can be especially detrimental, as it tempts them to continue testing limits with you, to keep pressing until you cave in and help them to sleep. WeÆve found that when using these kinds of "hands-on" methods, parents often give up on sleep learning because it takes so long to actually get better sleep that the process itself becomes exhausting.
On the other end of the spectrum are the experts who suggest that the fastest way to help a child to sleep is to allow him to "cry it out" in other words, shutting the door and leaving your child completely alone, crying, for as long as it takes him to fall asleep. Also known as full extinction, this method actually does work, and sometimes quite quickly, although we have heard stories of children who have cried for as long as several hours at a stretch on the first night or two, perhaps bewildered and frightened because the usual helpers (namely, you) have disappeared. The idea of a child alone in the dark, crying inconsolably, doesnÆt sit right with most parents, and it doesn't sit right with us, either. It seems unnecessarily hard on both parents and child.
We think experts on both ends of the spectrum are well intentioned, but we also believe that the so-called no-cry solutions focus too much on the parent's and child's emotions and not enough on the necessary conditions for learning, and that the extinction methods focus too much on the child's learning and not enough on the emotional side of sleep learning. This is how we arrived at what we call the "least-cry" approach.
The "Least-Cry" Approach
So if giving your child too much help makes her cry harder and longer, and giving her too little help makes parents (and possibly the child) feel uneasy and overwhelmed, what's left? Finding a balance between allowing your child to learn how to sleep, while lovingly supporting her in the process. Our recipe for successful sleep learning --meaning that children learn to sleep quickly with a minimum of crying--contains two important ingredients:
1. A simple, customized sleep plan that includes step-by-step instructions for scheduling, environmental changes, and helping children change their sleep behavior, and
2. Plenty of support around the emotional aspects of teaching a child to sleep (and some inevitable frustration), to help children continue to feel loved, and to help parents remain consistent as their child learns. Parents who use our methods usually report that their child begins to sleep through the night in less than five nights, because the child receives clear, consistent responses that shape behavior quickly, and because she feels your loving encouragement while she learns. In a matter of days, children learn that they don't need assistance from their parentsùwith a bit of practice they become expert sleepers, and the whole family finally begins to get the rest they need.
Although there are other methods designed to offer parents a "middle-of-the-road" option, we haven't found any that help a child learn as quickly and minimize the crying as effectively as the techniques we use. We believe this is because we offer an equal balance of opportunities for behavioral learning and loving support that doesn't interfere with that learning. In this book, our aim is to give you exactly what a family would get if they were sitting in our office: our expertise, proper tools, and all the emotional support you need.
We'll help you create an organized, fail-proof plan that ensures success--usually in less than five nights. At Sleepy Planet, we've met thousands of parents who are in exactly the same exhausted, barely functioning boat that you're in right now. Happily, your child's (and thus you and your spouse's) sleepless nights will soon feel like a quickly fading bad dream. So hang in there; help has finally arrived! (That would be us, and we're not leaving your side till your child's sleep is much improved. Promise.)
There are seven main "sleep stealers" or reasons your child isn't sleeping well; she may be affected by one of them, by a combination of several, or if you've hit the jackpot, by all seven.
SLEEP STEALER #1: No Consistent Bedtime Routine Though most parents know that a bedtime routine is a good idea, it can be hard to be consistent about doing it, either because there's too much to do before bed or because your child has so much energy that it's hard to slow her down. Nonetheless, a predictable wind-down routine is one of the most important tools your child needs to sleep well. There are several important components of a good bedtime routine: Physical activity should come before the routine. If Daddy likes to toss the baby in the air, or your toddler likes to streak naked through the living room, go for it! Just make sure you do these activities before the bath or bedtime routine, when you'll want to start slowing things down. The routine should last 15 to 60 minutes at nighttime, and about 10 to 15 minutes before a nap. The length of your routine will depend partly on the age of your child; a 5-month-old might gum a few pages of a board book, whereas an 18-month-old will enjoy at least one full story. Do your bedtime routine in the same room where your child will be sleeping. It's important that your child spend some time in this space with you, feeling comfortable and relaxed, so the transition into sleep will go smoothly. If you give your child a bath and help him change into PJs in his room, and then return to another part of the house with him for more play or activity, you'll lose the momentum of the wind-down process and will likely find that your child gets a "second wind." Do approximately the same activities each night or at nap time, in the same order. This is what will help your child develop sleep cues, so that over time just doing the routine makes your child sleepy. Wind-down activities can include: A bath
A massage
Dimming the lights
Playing soft music
Diaper change and putting on pjÆs
Nursing, a bottle, or a cup of milk
A book or song (or several of each)
Playing quietly on the floor (no toys that beep or blink)
With an older child, talking about your day together
You get the idea. Have fun and be creative; just remember to keep it low-key. Once you've established a consistent routine, anyoneùsitter, grandparents, other familyùshould be able to do exactly what you do to put your child to sleep and have exactly the same results. Mom and Dad are then freed up for a night on the town.
Imagine that!
©2007. Jennifer Waldburger, LCSW, and Jill Spivak, LMSW. All rights reserved. Reprinted from The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age 5. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street , Deerfield Beach , FL 33442.
Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
This book has made our lives so much better!
By shelly9226
At first I thought no way was cry it out was for us. However, after spending 5 months with insomnia that I think was due in part to waking up every 2 hours to feed, I came around to the idea. I was pretty apprehensive because up to this point we were nursing to sleep. And of course every time she woke up, I nursed back to sleep as well. We were also co-sleeping. So I was like, this is gonna be too much change at once! No more co-sleeping, no nursing to sleep, night weaning--how is my baby going to handle this? But guess what? She's doing great! And I feel like a whole new person because I'm getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time!! Just for reference, we started this when my baby was 5 months, 17 pounds. I still do a dream feeding around 10:30. Around 6 she has been waking up and we can tell its her hungry cry so I feed her, but then she has gone back to sleep for 2 hours sometimes. The only pitfall we made was that about after a week she was still crying for about 20 min to put herself to sleep. We realized bed time had just gotten away from us with getting dinner ready and all. But now we make sure to start our routine around 6:30 and bed time at 7:00. Last night, went to sleep no crying! She did wake a couple times, but put herself right back to sleep. Oh also, my husband had a week off from work when we started implementing this so it helped. Really if you're desperate for sleep, and feel like you can no longer function, give this a try. Just make sure you follow all the points in the book and give yourself and your baby ample time to see progress. I didn't ever think she would go to sleep on her own, and one week later it's a miracle!!
13 of 14 people found the following review helpful.
We made it work for us
By Autumn923
Our baby has been waking up every hour to two hours during the night once her 4-month regression hit. We couldn't swaddle her anymore as she was breaking out of it. We tried practically everything... the only way to get her back to sleep was for me to nurse her. It was so exhausting towards the morning I would have to ask my husband to take her out of the room just so I can get a solid hour of sleep in before having to go to work. None of us was getting any decent sleep.
I bought the book based on all the reviews. At first when I read through the book, I got more upset because I didn't think it was for us. My husband and I both work, with my mom as a primary caretaker. There's no way we can put our baby to sleep by 8pm, nearly impossible at 7pm. There's no way we can stick to a consistent time schedule. Furthermore, having to "train" my mom to train our baby is another added stress.
Since nothing was working anyway, we decided to adapt the book's way of putting her to bed at night. We started the first night at 4.5-month-old. She cried a solid one hour with the check-ins, then she slept for 5 hours. That was amazing because the longest stretch of sleep had only been 2.5 hours. The next few nights, we put her to bed the same way with the check-ins. While she would still wake up during the night, it was obvious she has already learn to put herself to sleep. She would fuss a bit for the first 5 to 10 minutes or so, but never any high-pitch crying like the first night. With obvious results, maybe there's something to this. I had a long talk with my mom about her naps schedule. Honestly, it was harder to ask my mom to follow the schedule and the technique. That same night our baby followed the recommended wake time and total nap time needed, she slept for 9 hours waking up 2x to nurse in between. We were so happy.
Our baby is almost 6-month now. We usually start her bedtime routine from 8 to 9pm - bath, nurse, burp, turn on the fan, put her into the co-sleeper, and walk away. She has been consistently sleeping for 3 to 4 hours before waking up to nurse twice during the night. Our goal is definitely getting her to sleep the whole 11 to 12 hours like all the other reviewers said, but for now, we made the book work for us.
Update on 6/17/2015 ~ Oh, I so wanted this book to work for us. We stick a pretty good nap schedule for month 5, and she was only waking up twice a night to nurse. Now she is a bit older than 6 months, it is obvious she doesn't need 3 naps, but my mom refuse to accept that. Unfortunately, it is harder to train my mom than it is to train my baby. If you can work with your caregiver, go for it. Otherwise, the sleep easy solution isn't that easy.
Update on 2/4/2016 ~ Unfortunately I can't say my 14-month-old is sleeping through the night. I have read through countless books, online articles, blogs, etc. Ultimately I gave up on finding any solution. The one common ground for everything I have read is consistency of a schedule. That's one thing we are good about. She naps and eat around the same time. How we get her to nap, that's a different story (between my mom, my husband, my dad, and myself, we all have a different way of putting her to sleep...) But you know what, my daughter is getting better on her own. Like for night weaning, I was trying all these different methods (from this book and other books) without success. One night (maybe around 11 months old), she just stopped. She woke up fussy, but I was too tried to respond. She actually soothed herself back to sleep,and then she hasn't nursed since. She dropped two night feedings on her own. Also, for awhile when she woke up in the middle of the night, we would have to walk/rock her back and forth. Both my husband and I were too tired to response, she soothed herself back to sleep. It has been a long journey, but even though she wakes up twice a night, she put herself back to sleep. It may not be immediate, but she can. That's with us not doing anything. Maybe that's the key, don't try to force anything.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
My husband and I are happier because we are sleeping
By Nicole C
We were having a lot of trouble with our six month old. He would only sleep in our bed or on the couch with one of us, which was not safe and exhausting for my husband and I as well as the baby. In five days we weaned him off night feedings and he was Being put down in his crib awake and going to bed on his own without even crying. He's sleeping 11 1/2 hours through the night and waking twice out of habit but going back to sleep on his own after about five minutes of crying. Each night the time has gone down, so I would assume in a week there will be no night wakings. My husband and I are happier because we are sleeping, but more importantly our son is. He is happy and more alert throughout the day. It can seem a bit overwhelming at first but if you stick to the guide and schedule in the book it will truly be life changing. My only regret is that I didn't buy this book sooner.
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